UnNews:Winehouse's poor health in jeopardy
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.
23 June 2008
LONDON, UK– UNN -- Soul Diva Amy Winehouse has been warned by doctors that her declining smoking and drug habit are threatening her career.
Winehouse, who has been cutting back on cigarettes has “not only ruined the husky tonal qualities of her voice, but her refusal to restart her crack cocaine habit is lengthening her projected life span. Together, these two healthy life style choices cutting into her career as a dead entertainment icon on par with Billie Holiday and Jim Morrison,” according to her manager and father Mitch Winehouse.
“Obviously we're concerned,” said the singer's father. “Ever since she was a young girl her dream has been to live fast, die young and leave a music catalog that would endure far beyond the life span of a normal functioning artist.”
"People don't find it tragic when an entertainer lives to be eighty or ninety do they?"
For her part, the artist has expressed her apprehension to returning to her four pack a day habit. “You know, you get up in the morning and this brown lung buttery stuff starts coming up and its a major drag. Now I wake up and everyday is filled with possibility and hope.”
When asked about her crack habit, Winehouse is even more certain that a return to the old days of the rock and the pipe are behind her. “Its just so harsh. And you deal with people who have lost sight of their humanity. Would you like to have a bite of my yogurt and flax seed Power Bar?”
Amy Winehouse exploded onto the London music scene in 2003 with the release of her debut CD entitled “Skank”. Her atonal wailing, combined with lyrics which Rolling Stone magazine called “a self masturbatory exercise in music” was an immediate hit.
Winehouse followed up Skank with her second album, the immensely popular “What the Fuck Are You Looking At?” in 2007.