UnNews:Windows 10 will include glasses and fake nose

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Windows 10 will include glasses and fake nose

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22 January 2015

Kelle Hampton with fake nose

A Windows 10 "beta-tester" tries to figure out how she would make a "multi-touch gesture" with just her eyes.

SEATTLE, Washington -- Microsoft announced that it will give away Windows 10, and will include hologram glasses and a silly costume nose to induce customers not to just buy a cellphone.

The "free" strategy is a gamble for Microsoft, whose flagship Windows software is on virtually all PCs — a product that the entire world is rushing to abandon. A 15% market share makes a new strategy a necessary evil for Microsoft CEO Satan Nadella.

Stock analyst Daniel Ives said, "Microsoft needs to lay seeds for its cloud-centric ecosystem to upgrade onto this next-generation platform," because that's just the way those people talk. "The immediate revenue hit" is seen as minor, because nobody was going to pay cash to be jerked around again, anyway.

Windows 10 will be available for one year to users who upgrade from an earlier Windows version. That means suckers, and that means free isn't free. "Upgrades will be transparent and painless," said analyst Frank Gillett. To be seen is whether the process of removing money from the customer's wallet will be, too. Automatic upgrades means that Windows will spontaneously work differently, or not at all. Windows 8 gained the ability to delete any of the customer's files the company didn't think users should have; and Windows 10 will go further and put stuff there the suits think users would want; perhaps several copies. Automatic subscription means that, when you die, Microsoft will tell you if you had any money left.

Microsoft also unveiled holographic glasses with which users can see 3D renderings of their favorite virtual babes (see photo). It raises the stakes in the competition with Facebook and Google. The fake nose is a coup, as it does not correspond to any product from the two competitors. But it does not enhance the sense of smell, unless one enjoys smelling styrene. However, Mr. Nadella is confident that, with the glasses and fake nose, no one will mind being seen using Windows.

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