UnNews:Will Young ravished by gorilla
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Will Young ravished by gorilla
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 25, 2015, 16:41 (UTC)
9 July 2007
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BUGGERY-GIBLET, England -- HOMOSEXUAL, LISPING Singer Will Young has suffered severe anal bruising after he was ravished by famous 'Big Gay' gorilla Popo. The incident occurred while the Pop Idol star was visiting a gorilla orphanage in Cameroon with an initial view to adopting a baby ape.
Instead of finding a new son / daughter Will quickly took a shine to one of the big male apes, "I spotted this big, virile and musclular gorilla called Popo. He eyed me up in turn and from there we just seemed to click. It felt so wrong, yet so right at the same time", Mr Young said from his hospital bed this morning.
"I went all weak at the knees and couldn't get him out of my head all day. I thought he might have been a horse, even though he's a gorilla, I really did", the emotional star continued, evidently in some pain from his bottom bruises, "there was a real sexual frisson between us. I then did what any normal Gay man would do.".
Against advice from the owners of the orphanage it is thought that Will Young sneaked into the gorilla's cage to enage in, "acts of unspeakable sexual perversion" with the primate. Unfortunately for Will he could not handle what the gorilla had on offer.
He said: "I have never been in so much pain, I now know how the victims of Vlad the Impaler felt! He certainly bought tears to my eyes!"
Will Young and "Popo" plan to wed next year in what promises to be the biggest show-biz wedding since Elton John married a gazelle in April.