UnNews:Wilco Let Off Traffic Accident with Warning, Causes Social Uproar
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
16 September 2009
Chicago, Illinois - Alt-folk band Wilco is suspected of being indirectly involved in a traffic accident in Cromwell, New Zealand where Wilco, a five-year-old dog, crashed his owner's car into a cafe.
Wilco "accidentally" started the car after his owner stopped his car to buy beer, neglecting to turn off the motor. The dog then leapt up in an act of "violent resistance". The car hurtled towards the cafe and due to lack of customers, unfortunately did not cause death or injury. Although the dog and his owner have been released, New Zealand Police are investigating if the dog's name, named after the aforementioned band, had been involved in this accident.
"Although Wilco, unlike contemporaries Marilyn Manson, KMFDM and Rammstein has not sent a deliberate call for violence, a hidden manic-depressive trait can be found in many of their songs. Off their album "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot", Wilco 'salutes the ashes of American flags', tells teenagers to 'learn how to die' and even 'miss heavy metal bands' and even goes into the mind of a serial assassin  and "Rapist". This clearly shows anti-social and unpatriotic tendencies that may have been instilled into this dog's innocent conscience and caused this unfortunate rampage," a police spokesman stated. "Regardless of how the case turns out, this will hopefully spark public debate if a certain level of censorship should be upheld in music and movies." The owner had little to say about this incident except that he "liked Wilco a lot" and had heard that "Nazis used some lyrics in songs to make Germans kill Jews". Jeff Tweedy replied to allegations on his official blog by stating that they "...would like to express our deepest sympathies to the owners of the cafe. we are sick and appalled by what happened in New Zealand today. Wilco is a band, not a political message...we are all fathers with children, and do not condone violence, crime, or destruction in anyway." He also wrote that "We are continuing our tour in support of Wilco. Our legal team prohibits me from saying any more." He has been chastised for laying off responsibility and further allowing extremist groups to continue reeking violence.
The Parents Music Resource Center condemned Wilco for "Frightening children with unspeakably violent lyrics", and "Infecting youths with messages they cannot handle". They have asked for a ban on airplay and live shows.
- ↑ Ashes of American Flags
- ↑ War on War
- ↑ Heavy Metal Drummer
- ↑ assassin down the avenue in "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart"
- ↑ But if I could you know I would Just hold your hand and you'd understand I'm the man who loves you from I'm the Man Who Loves You
- Tipper Gore "Wilco Let Off Traffic Accident with Warning, Causes Social Uproar". TVNZ, September 16, 2009