UnNews:Wikipedia sells out to Uncyclopedia

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Wikipedia sells out to Uncyclopedia

Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard

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4 January 2007

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Wikipedia: proof that ignorance is not bliss

New York, NY - Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia that any drunken idiot, imbecile, or other kind of fool can edit, has sold out to its rival, Uncyclopedia, which offers much more relevant and interesting, some even say entertaining, articles about current events on a local, regional, national, international, and cosmic scale.

"Wikipedia may have started it," Iggy Spinoza, an Uncyclopedia spokesman maintains, "but Uncuclopedia has finished it."

With the acquisition of Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia becomes the largest and, by far, the most popular source of information and misinformation on the Internet, reaching billions of homes and offices across the globe.

"Ralph Waldo Enema said that 'a foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds," Spinoza remarks, "and that was the word of Wikipedia's undoing: consistency."

The former leader among online encyclopedias insisted upon sticking to the facts, as its writers saw them, which led to its decline in use and popularity, since many of its alleged facts proved to be outdated, incomplete, or flat-out wrong.

For example, a Wikipedia article on George Washington listed him as "the first queen of the United States" instead of America's first pope. Another claimed that Sarah Michelle Gellar can act.

Likewise, an article on Michael Jackson insisted upon referring to the entertainer as a male, despite her having undergone sex-reassignment surgery and given birth on at least two occasions to roadside attractions [1].

Similarly, Wikipedia has been taken to task for describing O. J. Simpson and Ted Kennedy as innocent of the respective deaths of Nicole Brown and Mary Jo Kopechne, when "the American people," Spinoza says, "know the bastards killed those women."

Wikipedia lost credibility, too, for its numerous ("hundreds, actually," according to Spinoza) articles on commercial goods and services: "Everything from Hasbro's newest toy, My Little Penis [2], to TV shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer appeared as so-called articles. They actually amounted to unpaid ads that slanted their content in favor of the products or services they were selling in the guise of providing scholarly information."

Moreover, Wikipedia offended the sensibilities of many of its one-time readers by its insistence on covering subjects that many regarded as pornographic. One article, in particular, on Bill Clinton's favorite activity, illustrated the content with same-sex couples, as if only homosexual men and women engage in oral sex, yet, the encyclopedia's editors maintained that the article was unbiased, fair, and accurate. "I'd prefer Wikipedia to stay the hell out of my bedroom," announced one irate reader, Miss Ima Maz-Tyrbatur.

Political correctness also hastened the decline of the once-leading online encyclopedia, with favorable treatment being given to social and political topics that have found favor with the left and short shrift being awarded subjects of interest to the right. The encyclopedia lost the trust of the American people for the same reason that FOX News has gained their faith and for the same reason that Uncyclopedia has become the most widely read and used online encyclopedia on the planet: by treating all topics with healthy skepticism but a fair and balanced point of view. "We're not here to tell you it's okay to be a queer, a liberal, or a Democrat", Spinoza said. "Instead, we're going to report on the consequences of their actions and beliefs and let you decide."

Wikipedia's fate is undecided at this point, but it is possible, Spinoza says, that it may become a warehouse of trivia concerning actors, actresses, politicians, athletes, singers, fads, and other aspects of popular culture and other ephemera. "That may not seem like much, but, in the Entertainment Age, it's huge," Spinoza said.

Wikipedia and its fans, who call themselves Wikipedians, declined to comment on the encyclopedia's ill fortune. However, Uncyclopedia and its fans, the Uncyclopedians, are said to be fairly balanced between bliss and apathy, as always.

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