UnNews:Wikipedia defense forces strike Uncyclopedia
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Wikipedia defense forces strike Uncyclopedia
UnFair and UnBalanced
Saturday, August 19, 2017, 02:04:UTC)(
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UNCYCLOPEDIA, the Interweb - Wikipedia defense forces today bombed the Uncyclopedian capital of Main Page in an effort to weaken the terrorist group SYSOP. Overnight, WDF aircraft and artillery laid siege to Main Page, destroying the international airport and resulting in in least 500 civilian casualties. Uncyclopedia's supreme ruler, Sophia, was safely transported to an Undisclosed Location.
Terrorist leader Chronarion called on the Wikia security council to demand a cease fire, but Jimbo Wales vetoed the otherwise unanimous resolution. "This strike is a direct attack on the sovereign Uncyclopedian state and Uncyclopedian forces will retaliate," Uncyclopedian foreign minister Splaka was quoted as saying.
Already the effects of the conflict were being felt as oil prices rose by $3.14159265358979, bringing the price for August delivery to an arm, a leg, and $3.14159265358979. That rise in oil prices sparked fears that oil prices would rise further, causing oil prices to rise further. Anticipating a plummit of stock prices in several corrupt oil corporations, shareholders sold all of their stocks, causing the stocks to plummit.
The prices of oil per-barrel are expected to rise by 25% more tomorrow, so Exxon is expecting to raise their gas prices by 30% so they may end up with evenly bloated profits. Before asking for verification by your mathematics teacher, if they sell exactly the same amount at higher prices, it is only necessary that they need to raise their profit margin as well to keep a solid percentage of the oil expenses, instead of a flat profit.