UnNews:Wikileaks shocker about Obama's birthplace
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!|
29 November 2010
HONOLULU, Hawaii -- Wikileaks, the rogue international organization run by the Australian born ladies' man Julian Assange, released over a quarter of a million confidential US diplomatic cables today. However, initial news reports about Putin's relationship with Berlusconi, secret American military actions in Yemen, and Afghani leaders' drug connections, were quickly overshadowed by a secret cable sent from a State Department office in Honolulu to headquarters in D.C. on December 10th, 2006. The cable, sent on the eve of then-Senator Barack Obama's historic White House campaign, offered a startling revelation: Obama was born in Hawaii.
The news sent shockwaves through both political circles and the population at large, since everyone had believed that Obama was actually born in Kenya. However, the diplomatic cable offered indisputable proof, as it contained a copy of the President's original birth certificate from a Honolulu hospital. "This is going to cause absolute political chaos," feared a Congressman who wished to remain anonymous. Even ordinary citizens were shocked, with one bewildered Hawaii resident saying, "I don't know who or what to trust anymore. I mean, everyone was certain Obama was born in Kenya. It was a fact. I have to question everything now. Was the Moon landing real? Who knows?"
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs convened an emergency press conference after the leak was revealed and expressed his dismay at the media for publishing it, adding, "Whatever power the President had left after the midterm shellacking is now gone. Political opponents always assumed that Obama was so powerful he was able to get elected despite being a foreigner, and now they know that's not true,and that Obama became President in the same mundane way any Joe Shmoe becomes President." Obama's US citizenship was kept so secret, only a very small handful of individuals knew about it - even less than knew about the alien visitors from planet Dalek that landed in Moscow in 2005 (another secret revealed by Wikileaks).
Even First Lady Michelle was in the dark, and was quite furious with her husband after learning the truth. "All those stories about being a baby in Kenya - lies!" she cried. It's uncertain what the full implications of this revelation will be, but it's highly likely that the President will be forced to resign. One political analyst summarized it this way, "With people assuming he was Kenyan, Obama was perceived as a tough, no-nonsense power player. But with the knowledge he is just some regular guy from Honolulu, political opponents know he's just a Hawaiian-t-shirt-wearing lazy American bum."