UnNews:White House releases photo of Obama skeet-shooting

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Latest revision as of 20:22, February 10, 2013

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3 February 2013

Obama shoots skeets
The President fires at a flock of unusually low-flying skeets. There it is. That settles it. Now can we please have some Gun Control?

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The White House has released a photograph of President Obama shooting skeet that it claims will put to rest a flurry of rumors that he is not an avid gun aficionado.

Obama had set inquiring minds spinning when asked recently if he had ever fired a gun. His admission, "Yes...all the time," came as a surprise to many, as he had never before mentioned his hobby, but presidential spokesman Art Carney said the photo should put the loose talk to rest. He said it was taken by the same White House team that quickly released Obama's birth certificate — in its original Adobe Acrobat format — to quell a previous controversy.

Carney explained that the topic hasn't come up before because, when he is relaxing at Camp David, Obama shuns photo sessions, and stops being a politician at those times.

Asked to explain why the setting looks like a golf course, Carney confirmed that the shooting range indeed is at the Moccasin Run Golf Course in Pennsylvania, whose unique acoustics allow golfers gun enthusiasts to hear schoolhouse massacres occurring indoors up to five miles away. Obama's expertise with arms is shown by his grip on the gun's barrel, with his left hand tightly clenching the tip as though the rifle were a golf club, a position avid shooters call "choking up."

In the background, the photo clearly shows several Negro churches burning down after being set afire by white arsonists. Other members of Obama's skeet-shooting foursome visible in the photo are Martin Luther King, Dred Scott, and Sally Hemmings.

The National Rifle Association, through its spokesman Chuck Norris, scoffed at the official presentation. "One obviously Photoshopped picture does not make up for a lifetime of staunch support for gun rights," he said. "We are eager to show we can work with the President and undo the damage done by his predecessor." Obama is seeking to react to the Newtown school massacre by restoring federal gun laws to their state during the Columbine school massacre.

Obama waved off further questions, as he greeted his new Secretary of State, John Kerry. Kerry is also a gun-rights advocate, having famously asked, "Kin ah git me a huntin' license heah" during a trip somewhere in the Midwest during his 2004 presidential campaign. He once defied impossible odds to pursue a "14-point buck" on Cape Cod, and will now have to guide through the Senate the U.N. Small Arms Treaty, a document that might be as useful in Supreme Court citations as the Second Amendment.

As he left reporters, Obama mentioned that he had even hung his two trophy heads of "skeets" in the Oval Office. Spokesman Carney was seen nervously making a call on his cell phone.

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