UnNews:White House faces foreclosure
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White House faces foreclosure
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, July 27, 2016, 09:48:UTC)(
28 August 2008
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Sources this morning revealed a startling situation that many thought impossible: The White House, home to the president of the United States as well as The Man for over two hundred years, is facing foreclosure. The economy and the increase in Iraq war spending have finally brought the issue home - literally - to the Bush Administration. The home to the Commander-in-Chief has already had a lien placed against it by the holder of its mortgage, Saudi Arabia, currently the largest investor in the United States. The bank is also looking to repossess Number One Observatory Circle, the home to the Vice President.
“This’ll make it hard to conduct international policy” stated a befuddle President Bush. “All my stuff is still in there.”
"Actually" the president added, "I spend so much time at Crawford, I didn't even know there was a problem" he said, referring to his Texas ranch.
Early yesterday morning, a large Uhaul truck could be seen on the White House lawn with burly men carrying things out to it, but it was unclear at the time what was going on. Some things seen leaving the premises included an antique dresser and a 17th century china cabinet. “I guess I should’ve taken my own stuff first” added the President. At the Vice Presidential mansion, Dick Cheney was unavailable, but it was rumored that he had taken his belongings and retreated to an undisclosed location. Current presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain were quick to chime in on the situation.
“This is just another sign of the gross mismanagement of the Bush administration”, democrat Obama chided. “We’re presumably fighting wars in the middle-east against terror, yet the terrorists now own the very building where those plans and decisions are made.”
John McCain added, “I may not remember how many houses I own, but I’m now sure the White House won’t be on that list.” When reminded that presidents don’t actually take ownership of the White House, the presumptive republican nominee responded “I haven’t understood White House occupancy as well as I probably should have.”
This news comes on the heels of both candidates’ claims that the current administration has been somewhat out of touch with the issues that are most important to everyday Americans.
“Finally! Maybe these guys will finally get it together” hoped one homeowner from the area, “Then again, Cheney in hiding may be a sign of more of the same.”
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|