UnNews:Where the streets are paved with handjobs

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20 April 2010

Handjob machine

The ever-popular handjob machine.

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana -- A virtual tsunami of Japanese perverts converged on Louis Armstrong International Airport today. The city known as birthplace of jazz music, with its wild night life and laissez-faire attitude, has unwittingly gained a reputation for an abundance of free sex for the asking.

The source of the confusion has been traced to defective advertisements released abroad, meant to encourage tourism to financially strapped Louisiana. State officials had approved the slogan, "Come to New Orleans, where the streets are paved with trombones", along with others, as a part of the publicity campaign.

The misunderstanding began with a small mistake in translation. Someone had apparently mistranslated the word "trombones" as"handjobs" into Japanese. Normally, a quality control worker would have caught this before it went to printing. Rather than reporting it, however, this employee thought it would be funny to replace a panoramic view of Bourbon Street with a picture of a recent Japanese innovation, the handjob machine.

Thousands of posters were shipped to Europe and Japan from the Louisiana Board of Tourism, touting a strange assortment of sightseeing opportunities like "hirsute meter maids sashaying down an avenue" and "doughnut-hoarding glass cocks."

"As always, we went with the lowest bid for the printing," says Ralph Lancaster of the Louisiana Tourism Bureau of Investigation. "Unfortunately, the printer himself went with the lowest bid for translation services, which turned out to be a couple of sterno drinkers and their three legged dog."

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