UnNews:Weather Channel officials sue Al Gore for being more interesting than they are
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Weather Channel officials sue Al Gore for being more interesting than they are
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 22, 2015, 13:30 (UTC)
9 March 2008
ATLANTA, Georgia -- Several days ago, Weather Channel founder John Coleman mentioned possibly suing Al Gore for being far more interesting than most TV weathermen, and therefore losing the weather channel the two or three regular viewers that they had.
Coleman said in a speech, "I, uh...I think that...". This is all that anyone actually heard of the speech before dozing off. However, later, another spokesperson for the weather channel elaborated on the reasons for the lawsuit, and because she was fairly attractive, we were able to listen to her entire speech.
"Al Gore has practically ruined the weather channel," she said, as a group of journalists who were interviewing her pretended to be taking notes as they admired her fine legs, "After all, look at global warming. Probably the only weather-related thing that's even remotely interesting, and the only possible thing we could talk about on the weather channel that could attract more than four viewers...aside from Hurricane Katrina, God bless it..."
"...Gore's film An Inconvenient Truth stole all the global warming limelight from the Weather Channel," the weather channel official continued, "So now, any time someone says to a friend, 'Hey, wanna watch the new special on global warming on the weather channel?' and the friend will say 'No thanks, I already watched Al Gore's movie. He's doomed the weather channel!' The old bastard!"
As far as interesting television content is concerned, the weather channel is on about the same level as the home shopping network; you might watch for a few minutes out of sheer boredom, or perhaps masturbate to one of the more attractive hosts, but that's about it. That's why the weather channel is so angry about Gore's stealing what may be the only (marginally) interesting weather-related issue of this decade in his film.
Court hearings will begin as soon as a judge can be found who can listen to a TV weatherman talk for more than 5 minutes without falling asleep.