UnNews:Water becomes the newest Human Right

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Water becomes the newest Human Right

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25 March 2015

Bottled water

Readers should barge into the lounge at Ray's and Stark in Los Angeles and demand to be given their birthright.

HONG KONG, China -- Peter Brabeck-Letmathe has declared that “Water is a human right.”

Mr. Brabeck-Letmathe, the Chairman of Nestlé, made the gift to the human race on Tuesday in a CNBC interview from the Credit Suisse Asian Investment Conference here. His associates were celebrating this Brave New World by toasting one another with symbolic bottles of Perrier. Credit Suisse's product is banking Stress Tests, which became a human right in 2009; also, debentures, which are still not a human right.

The new human right would seem to extend to cases where the natural endowment needs to be trucked in, desalinated, fluoridated, or have someone pluck out the cow feces. Those workers are now servants of the human race, not unlike American doctors. This means that, if one elects to live in the desert in The Sedan or up on Mount Everest, one would have a human right to have the water brought in, and would not even be expected to tip the drayman. If one is a Detroiter who happens to have twelve love-children, they would by definition get all the water they want as well.

The hyphenated-named executive added, “I don’t think it’s a human right to fill up a swimming pool. I don’t think it’s a human right to wash cars. I don’t think it’s a human right to water a golf course.” In other words, the new human right to water is to be coupled with a new human duty to use the water in ways that pass muster with a ton of new rules written by rich, detached globalists assuring the poor that they won't let other rich people get away with anything. Mr. Brabeck-Letmathe allowed that it was a human right to shower in drinking water, with a ninety-second limit, perhaps two minutes if shampooing.

"We have a major water management crisis," Mr. Brabeck-Letmathe explained. One-fifth of the human race lives in areas of scarcity, according to figures from the incorruptible United Nations, which means they cannot get water for free. Thus, the solution of declaring that everyone has a right to all they want for free appeared obvious.

Mr. Brabeck-Letmathe said his company's own product, chocolate, would not be a human right. In fact, consumption of chocolate often makes the consumer thirsty for water. He said, “Chocolate remains a luxury, for which we have a human right to charge top dollar.”

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