UnNews:Warren Buffett accused of scapegoating former hair stylist
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Your source for up-to-the-microsecond misinformation.|
1 May 2011
O'MAYBERRY, Nebraska -- Former Warren Buffett hairstylist, David Sokol, fired back at criticism regarding Buffet's famous comb-over. "I gave him what he wanted, what he asked for" said Sokol, after comments this weekend by Buffet suggested he was less than happy with the performance of his coif. Having done Warren's hair since he was knee high to a grasshopper, Sokol reminisced about the good ole days playing checkers with the Sheriff and gossiping about the goings on of O'Mayberry. "His father used to drive him to the shop in the old Mercury Woody wagon they had, and Warren would leap out before it came to a full stop, because he liked to look at the Playboys, I keep on the top shelf" Sokol continued.
"..snip snip snippity snip, real simple man."
"I can say man, can't I"?
—Sokol on Buffett's boyhood haircuts
Buffett's hairdo controversy started when his company started negotiations to buy Regis Salons from TV's Regis. Longtime Regis associate, Kelly Ripa quipped, "Maybe he will get a modern haircut". The Buffett camp immediately made statements of support for Sokol and his hair decisions. But Sokol quit in a huff and has remained silent until this weekend, when renewed complaints about Buffett's hairstyle resurfaced. "We called it the upturned bowl', Sokol explained, continuing "When Warren started losing his hair in middle school, we just had him press his chin to his chest and we slapped an upturned bowl on his soft spot, and snip snip snippity snip, real simple man." "I can say man, can't I"?
Hair magnate Vidal Sassoon came out of retirement to applaud Sokol and his use of the classic bonnet style hair dryer, and continued use of classic hair tonics & pomades. Jheri Redding had no comment, as didn't Larry Prell. Despite the recent controversy, Buffett is still expected to receive the endorsement of the Worshipful Livery Company of Tonsorial Parlors Workers' Union, later this week. Buffett is not expected to need the endorsement, since he is old and plans to spend his billions on scratch-offs. Cable's Style channel is planning a reality show based on Sokol's Upturned bowl, to be called --Bowling for Dollars.
- Dominic Rushe "Warren Buffett accused of 'scapegoating' former heir apparent". Guardian, May 01, 2011
- Photography Staff "Donald Trump's Bad Hair Day, a photo album". The Telegraph, Retrieved May 1, 2011