UnNews:War on Trenchcoats Declared
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2 October 2006
POULTICE, Arkansas -- After multiple Columbine-style school shootings within just several weeks, the White House has today declared the so-called "War on Trenchcoats". Already certain constitutional rights have been withheld to forbid the wearing of this garment. To the utter surprise of the Government, trenchcoats have quickly become popular among certain empoverished and/or rebellious social groups, and a lucrative black market is emerging. In accordance with the newly-set out conditions of the States' third war against something intangible, many are being jailed for possession and distribution of trenchcoats, while CIA operations are injuring and killing exploited sweatshop workers in Latin America.
The Left have suggested that perhaps guns should be cracked down on, rather than coats, but even sensible Americans have become so incensed by the murders of schoolchildren that they are voting for further restrictions of and enforcement against clothing associated with angry teenagers. Of course, as much as this is a matter of life and death, they're only tree huggers anyway.