Wanted at Uncyclopedia: Women

A newsstand that's brimming with issues

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29 January 2011


Women can be funny and even riveting.

DAVOS, Switzerland -- Readers browsing Uncyclopedia can’t help but feel they’re almost always reading articles written by straight or gay men. And the main reason for this is because it might be true. According to Uncyclopedia executives, women have never made up more than 1.7% of total registered users. But that's about to change if a proposal on setting a quota for female users is passed at next year’s summit. If voted into law it would require that one in five, or twenty percent of Uncyclopedia users, would have to be female - or else!

As one almost exclusively female Uncyclopedian said: “Why does gender still count these days? Shouldn't we consider a person's qualification based solely on their being alive? If a person 'is' then shouldn't they be given a chance at dead pan humor?“ - she asked. “Gender is not an issue any more. Anyone can do anything with tenacity. Especially on Uncyclopedia, where males, females and shemales alike must be tenacious to have an article pass VFH.”

The female user stressed that Uncyclopedia's quota flap is a symptom of something very real and pressing in the world, and she presented supporting statistics which are truly shocking. For example: Women hold less than 0.3 percent of Fortune 500 CEO jobs, less than 0.7 percent of corporate board seats, and 0 percent of all gigolo positions.

”It's just simple mathematics. Having twenty percent more women as registered users could boost voting and increase the production of potentially humorous stories by about twenty percent. And having more women users could also help repair Uncyclopedia’s stained reputation as a gay-asylum,” she winked.

”More effort must be made to ensure human diversity at Uncyclopedia; otherwise our slogan might as well be, 'Uncyclopedia, the humor Wiki that any swinging-dick can edit'.”

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