|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
15 June 2012
HOLLYWOOD, USA -- What do you think of when you hear the name Walt Disney? You may well think of a big theme park or even a large duck called Donald.
For some, his name makes one image appear in their mind; a fridge. Yes, I am guilty of a thought or two when I reach in for a Pepsi, I am also guilty of wondering what he looks like all frozen solid like that. Not a Mickey Mouse portrait I'm sure. Of course, I know he isn't frozen but I wish he had been as it would have been such a crowd-pleaser wouldn't it?
So this is why my Uncylopedian desk was tickled pink today to receive a fax from the Disney family, (I know, privileged) informing me that they are going to freeze Walt's ashes to put an end to the ridiculous story once and for all. They hope that in many years from now Walt's ashes can be brought back from the dead and turned into paper. They hope to have enough DNA to release a limited edition run of notepads. That sounds pretty yuk but I'm game! I hope to be around when the time comes to getting hold of one of these pads, so I can write UnNews items while singing - "He's got the whole Walt in his hand!"
So, is it possible to make Walter into A5? I asked a friend who is researching this - "the process is quite simple, you extract the DNA and save it on a DVD, because I don't own any petri dishes, next you mix the ashes in a special liquid and add the DNA. If you do the steps correctly you end up with Chinese Paper, then you refine the paper and there you go, Walt Pad. However, at the moment I'm just making a huge mess but I'm sure I will figure it out"
Hmm, good luck Egor. Seems a little dubious to me. I enquired as to who would actually WANT a Walt Pad? The response was astonishing. It seems, the very idea of writing on Walt Disney thrills most. Dave from Nebraska told me - "I'm a in a band, my bassist and drummer are in the same band..." Okay, not the most enthralling words but I'm told Dave only mumbled before.
If you want to have your very own Walt Pad get to the Disney website, I know I did. You may ask what I would write on mine? I would simply write Curt Russell with a K. Walt was known for his Disney Dyslexia (see why?) What would the stars and shows of Disney be called then if Walt was in charge today? There would be; Brenda Cong, High Cshool mucikal, Cazk Efron, the Suite Life of Cazk and Kody, Pirates of the Karribean, maybe it's better he went.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|