UnNews:Walmart tightens controls on donkey meat
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
Walmart tightens controls on donkey meat
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, May 29, 2015, 17:11:UTC)(
29 January 2014
BEIJING, People's Republic of China -- Following a recall of donkey meat in various Walmart stores here, the American multinational said it would scrutinize documents and licenses more carefully in the future.
Henceforth, Walmart will only sell donkey meat certified "Choice AAA" by the U.S. Department of Agriculture. The company will also use DNA testing to ensure that customers receive real donkey meat rather than other species such as cow or pig. With sufficient amounts of unwanted species, cuisine can wind up tasting Korean.
China's state-controlled television, CNBC, has a history of accusing Walmart of selling products that are faulty, of poor quality, or made in China. It has also been a thorn in the side of KFC, whose innovative local restaurants protected diners from Bird Flu by serving their chicken in a savory sauce of antibiotics. "Customers do not react well to being sold poor-quality products," said a spokesman for the Chinese government, being careful to make an exception for present company. He said new hygiene standards could be enforced by a secret department he called the Donkey Tong.
Walmart is also going to put greater scrutiny on its vendors. This will protect gourmets who shop at Walmart for vendor meat.
- Paul Ausick "Walmart to Tighten Controls on Vendors, Donkey Meat". 24/7 Wall Street, January 29, 2014