UnNews:Wall Street reeling over Brexit
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Wall Street reeling over Brexit
Straight talk, from straight faces
Sunday, March 18, 2018, 01:20:UTC)(
27 June 2016
The latest rout is not a reaction to Brexit, which will merely replace debate over European Union with louder and higher-pitched debate, but to the declaration President Barack Obama made in London earlier this month, that a Britain outside the E.U. would be too piddling a nation to trade with.
Ryan Larson, head trader at RBC Global said the prospect of finding substitutes for all those British goods and services was daunting. Drivers of Aston Martins will now have to fit into Peugeots and Citroens, and bar patrons who ask for a Guinness stout may receive a pale French wine.
"And Americans who go out for fine British cuisine," Mr. Larson continued, "— No, wait. Never mind."
"The market's trying to adapt to the uncertainty and volatility," said Marc Chaikin of Chaikin Analytics. If he is right, that would be a first. This comes in the wake of Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe ordering his Finance Minister to watch currency markets "ever more closely" and take steps if necessary, which would be another first.
Mr. Obama threatened Britain that, if it voted to leave the Union, as it now has, he would pull all his trade negotiators out and send them to Brussels to work on another trade deal that Congressmen would be able to read but not take snapshots or copies of. As well as torpedoing the market for London hookers, the move would require hundreds of thousands of commercial contracts to be torn up. Ford Motor Company was scrambling to ensure that it could continue to sell in Britain cars whose parts were made in Italy, but was drafting contingency plans to make engines and door handles "after-market items" that customers would have to buy separately.
Britain having called Mr. Obama's bluff, Mr. Obama will have to make good on his threats and cancel the 30% of the U.S. economy that imports from, or exports to, the United Kingdom. A White House spokesman said this was not some mere red-line regarding Libya that could be disregarded later. But it would imply a hiatus in Mr. Obama's ongoing efforts to wreck coal mining, fracking, payroll lending, for-profit colleges, health insurance, and single-sex locker rooms.
- Evelyn Cheng "S&P breaks below 2K for the first time since March as financials slide 2.5%". Yahoo! Finance, June 27, 2016