UnNews:Wall Street Got Drunk!
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Wall Street Got Drunk!
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, May 24, 2016, 09:54:UTC)(
24 July 2008
North (hic) America, Waschington (Hic) DC, UESHA
President Busch, (hic), said at a presh conferense today that Wall Street got drunk (hic) and now haz a hang over. It muzt have been quite a (hic) party! President Busch told the press that they were not (hic) invited and turn off the cameras because it gives him a headache when the (hic) flasch goes off because of all the heavy drinking he did last night. President Busch and Condoleeza Riche (hic) played a game of quarters all night going over those (hic) echonomisch reports.
Luckyly for usch, someone recorded the event with a (hic) cell phone camera and posted it to Youtube and Digg and Reddit. Then da fricking BBC picked it up, and posted it on their web site right before (hic) happy hour when pints are just 2 pound sterlings each.
President Busch asked when we are all going to (hic) sober up and fix the mess we caused by drinking too much. But this (hic) reporter asks the question "Maybe we are all drinking too much, because we are depressed, over how badly President Busch screwed up the economy with a war in Iraq and not being able to balance the budget?" Excuse me, I think I need another drink (hic) I'm starting to get sober. Ah yeah. that'll do it.
To make matters worse, (hic) president Busch said we got housing issues too. Adding that bankers got drunk and gave mortgages to people of bad credit risks, and the deadbeats who applied for the mortgages got drunk and said they earned $45,000 a year on the application (hic) when they only earned like $15,000 a year. The underwriter got drunk (hic) and missed that and approved the mortgage anyway.
Itz all good though, if we keep drinking, (hic) maybe nobody will notice how bad the economy really is?