UnNews:Wal-Mart takes over Rhode Island; Oprah chosen to narrate documentary miniseries
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Wal-Mart takes over Rhode Island; Oprah chosen to narrate documentary miniseries
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, June 29, 2016, 11:16:UTC)(
17 April 2010
WALLY-WORLD (formerly Rhode Island) -- Wal-Mart has successfully taken over the "state" of Rhode Island, ushering in a new type of corporate take-over.
On someday, who knows when, the CEO of Wal-Mart, Ghengis Khan, stated that Wal-Mart's epic plans of global domination was about to start. President Obama, seeing as he had wasted all of America's money on the swine flu vaccine nobody used, was forced to be submissive. Joe Biden, on the other hand, had no problem doing nothing in the face of danger.
However, unlike most companies, Wal-Mart actually came through with their plans. Legions of Stormtroopers attacked Providence, Rhode Island. Obama called for European support, but Hillary Clinton's plan to instigate a volcanic eruption in Iceland grounded all air traffic, precluding any assistance from Europe.
After the corporate takeover, Wal-Mart renamed the island Wally World, and ordered all residents to succumb to their mighty power.
In an effort to smooth the transition, and to make for good public relations, an 8 part miniseries called "Corporate Takeover in the 21st Century" will air. Narrated by Oprah Winfrey, the story of how Rhode Island came to be the modern equivalent of a nation-corporation will be told through the eyes of a poor, black child, played by Steve Martin.
The series begins this Monday, after 24; on this episode, yet another government official dies.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|