UnNews:Wal-Mart first to market Kate's wedding gown knock-off
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Wal-Mart first to market Kate's wedding gown knock-off
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, August 4, 2015, 13:57:UTC)(
29 April 2011
LONDON, Great Britain -- After meeting almost universal approval, the wedding gown worn by newly minted Princess Catherine was sure to be copied by retailers. However the award for fastest copy to the store floor goes to United States retail giant Wal-Mart stores who have dupicated the design by Sarah Burton of the House of McQueen in nylon and plastic lace for the unbelievable low, low price of just $39.95.
Shipments of the dress were deployed in the United States within eight hours of the royal wedding. The company said it was able to do it because it had made a fantastic buy in plastic outdoor table clothes from China last fall, as well as taking an option on three federal warehouses full of factory second parachutes that had been planned for deployment to the Iraqi police forces in the War on Terror.
It's the perfect storm of opportunity, military overstock meets deep discount pricing, said a gleeful Sam Walton Jr., son of Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton.
The announcement of dresses availability sent shock waves through the trailer parks of the United States. Mothers of daughters of all ages having been lining up at Wal-Mart stores from the Atlantic to the Pacific waiting for the all clear sign.
"I can tell you this, but I will flatten any bitch who gets in my way and keeps me from getting one of these fucking dresses, because we all get to wear white on our big day. You know what I am saying?" said Tempest Atkins, 17, of Jackson, Mississippi. "Just because that skinny bitch in England done got her self a prince don't mean I can't be queen of my special day. You know what I am saying? And anyone who says different or takes one of them special dresses from my hands is going get smacked so far down that bitch will wish she is in China."
Coddington, Oklahoma Police Chief Rayl Conyers said that they are hoping for something that is easy to control when the crowd try and rush the Wal-Mart. "We understand that every bride wants to be a princess," he said, added "but I will shoot 'day'd' anyone who charges at me, come rain or come shine."
- United Pressed International "Local Tailor Excited by chance to knock up royal wedding dress". Omaha Sun Picyuan, April 29, 2011
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|