UnNews:WTF happened to Flight 007?
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WTF happened to Flight 007?
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Wednesday, August 24, 2016, 16:12:UTC)(
11 March 2014
MALAYSIA -- A Malaysian airliner on route to China has simply vanished, and everyone, except conspiracy buffs and/or the people behind it, are mystified. Did Aliens skyjack it? Did it enter a Black Void? Had it passed a Worm Hole into the future? Or was it sucked through a vortex into the past?
Pilots and others, particularly the passengers and crew of the missing flight, are deeply worried by the mystery surrounding Malaysia Airlines Flight 007. The plane disappeared Saturday en route from Kuala Lumpur to Beijing via the South Pole, somewhere between Mount Fuji and Iceland.
It's hard to believe that such questions remain three days after the Boeing went missing along with 227 passengers and 12 crew members. These questions are so unprecedented that experts have been forced to consult with fortune tellers and clairvoyants in speculating about possible explanations.
Here are four scenarios they're talking about:
1. Scenario: Alien Abduction?
The absence of any debris suggests the possibility that ETs in a giant mother ship were able to inhale the entire plane with out spilling a precious drop of balsa wood or whatever it is that planes are made of. But if abduction were the case, then why no emergency signal? The answer is simple: the aliens deployed a type of cloaking device.
2. Scenario: Black Void?
So far there are no known indications that a black hole composed of void-particles did not contribute to the aircraft going missing. Some aviation experts have compared Flight 007 to the disappearance of former American Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa, who was swallowed by a black
ho hole, which would cause all the passengers and crew to also vanish.
3. Scenario: Worm Hole into the future?
Two stolen passports have been linked to persons who never held a ticket for the flight, and, in fact, have nothing to do with this story at all. So what does that point to? A Worm Hole. The possibility is that a worm hole normally present over the Bermuda Triangle was some how able to reappear over the South Pole and simply transport the plane into another dimension, such as into the future.
It is even possible that master magicians David Copperfield and David Blaine were on board using the phony passports, and they simply conspired to make the plane disappear. If such is the case then the plane might reappear at any moment, and wouldn’t that be the gag of the century?
4. Scenario: Vortex into the past?
Before it disappeared, radar data indicated the plane actually existed in the first place. But if it has disappeared through a vortex into the past then it would have likely scared the natives, depending on how far back it appeared, and we should have already received knowledge of the event passed up to us in revised history books, such as, Grimm’s Fairy Tales or even better, Wikipedia.
Basically one guess is as good as any, because it certainly didn’t just disappear ‘into thin air’, as put forward by mountain climber Jon Krakauer. The most optimistic scenario is that Blaine and Copperfield will quickly conclude their morbid prank before the media loses interest.
- Repeater "What happened to Flight 370? Four scenarios fuel speculation". CNN, March 11, 2014