UnNews:WRPI Succeeds from Albany Radio Dial
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
8 July 2007
TROY, N.Y.-- The electromagnetic waves that inhibit the 91.5 megahertz section of the Capital Region radio dial will have a new feel today. Radio station WRPI has announced that they will no longer be a member of the Albany radio dial much to the dismay of the station's listener.
"This is all George W. Bush's fault," said Stephen Harper, a local high school principal. "Albany's 25th best radio station leaving us is just another example of what is wrong with this world."
Starting in 1947 as a small AM station, WRPI's main purpose was to promote hockey as an actual sport. It could only be picked up by one person who lived in Troy who had to tie her girdle to the antenna to pick up the signal. In the late-'60s, the FCC handed the station a 10,000-watt signal on a silver platter making it the only college station to have a radius of more than 2000 feet and a human decency integrity level as high as 2 out of 10.
But with an announcement that happened at 3:39 a.m. Sunday, WRPI will no longer be considered an Albany radio station. The station's transmitter came to life after being struck by lightning early Sunday Morning, police said. Then in a loud roar, which could not only be heard via ear, but also broadcasted over the station's radio signal, the transmitter, whose name is Jeff Albertsen, released this statement:
"Good is no good when better is expected. Even though individuals have hooked up radio equipment to me, those afforementioned individuals do not have the final say as to what I broadcast. Therefore effective immediately, I will no longer be broadcasting under the name of the Albany radio dial. I am a republican and a loyal fan of Top-40 hit music and do not agree with the content coming from my tower. I have tried to stop transmission numerous times in my history by knocking the station off the air every now and again, but it is only now that I have control. I'd like to say I wish the Albany radio dial well, but I was taught lying was wrong."
Exactly two minutes after the announcement was made, the red lights on the tansmitter turned off for the final time and the broadcast went dead.
No statement was made as to what will replace WRPI on the dial, or which radio market, if any, WRPI will re-locate to.
Commedian Bernie Mac was there at the time of the announcment and stands by Albertsen's decision but offered words of wisdom to the shocked community. "America, freedom will prevail... And we shall overcome."