UnNews:WARNING: NUCLEAR THREAT FROM TERRORIST MILITANTS IN CROATIA
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||A newsstand that's brimming with issues|
3 January 2013
FOX NEWS REPORTS:
AMERICA is now under non stop threat, as a possibly huge terrorist organisation in Croatia could be targeting the HOME OF THE BRAVE at any moment. Research has shown that HENTE (Hydro-electric Nuclear Terrorist Explosive) Missiles, which might be developed by a joint research of North Korea, Iran, Syria and Russia, with possible assistance of communist Islamic terrorist organisations in the Middle East, as satelite imagery shows some kind of military base located in Iraq, which is rumored to be extremely sophisticated, and which is believed to contain at least one operational missile launch site, which could be able to launch this new kind of devastating missile, proves their contribution (see picture).
Former President of America, George W. Bush, has commented: Uhh, so you see, it's like that saying we use in Texas, uhh I told it to noo noo, I told it so! NO that ain't right he-he-he, but I muhhhh happy ther's finally prove that those Iraqi terrorists are making nuh-kle-ar missiles of mass destructive, something that I already knowed uhh knew he-he.
To make things worse, the technology of this new sophisticated missile, which could disrupt all electronic and hydroponic and thermometric (TM) systems including the Internet and all cars in America, now might be in the hands of terrorists in small and impoverished Croatia, which had ties with Nazi Germany as well as communism throughout it's history as former Yugoslavia. These Croatian terrorist, which are suspected to have ties with Al Qaeda and Iraq, could have easily stolen the technology from the missile site as it is ill-guarded by impoverished soldiers who easily accept a bribe. Many Croatians who are believed to be connected by this Croatian terrorist organisation have repeatedly visited Iraq over the past months. Reportedly 75% of the members of this organisation, of which the name is unknown, but it is suspected to be called the Anti-Democracy Anti-America Alliance (ADAAA), have visited Iraq at least once over the past 2 months. There is a substantial amount of evidence that they have indeed visited the military base, possibly acquiring the missile technology. America is now on the brick of collapse, as the missile threat constantly floats above the heads of the free and hardworking American. The possibility of a terrorist attack in YOUR region has risen to estimates as high as 99%. The terrorists could easily drop a HENTE missile, if they have acquired one of the same ballistic nuclear missiles stalinist North Korea has fired last month, which is no difficult task, as the impoverished North is suspected to sell the same ballistic nuclear technology that many terrorists, Russia and China also use to everyone, including the Croatian terrorists. President Obama, being confused about the difficult conspiracy, has condemned the entire world, except for America, for the missiles and terrorism. This must be a good move, because he's not man of the year for without a reason is he?
Next to all the problems about missiles, there is some positive news though, because FOXnews now has an AMAZING offer for you, as we have coincidentally purchased a large quantity of special ANTI-HENTE NBC suits to protect you and America, and we are selling them on buyhentesuitnowtosafefreedomanddemocrary.com for just 3000$ a piece. Never has maintaining your life been so cheap. Think about it, you pay more money for health insurance, but the chance that you die from a HENTE missile attack is 56 more than the change that you die of a disease, so if you look at it that way, 3000$ is NOTHING!