|This article is part of UnNews||Straight talk, from straight faces|
18 May 2006
Conservation volunteers have uncovered a Grand Piano atop Ben Nevis, Britain's highest peak. Researchers have discovered that local Highland Games athlete Kenny Cunningham carried the instrument the full 4,418ft as a bet with friend Billy Connolly involving Irn Bru.
Excavators at the scene confirmed that the piano had been there for over thirty years, evidenced by a Penguin wrapper found at the scene with an expiry date of 1973, predating the invention of the Sony Walkman by more than 15 years. Experts claim this is sufficient evidence to suggest that Cunningham was indeed the pioneer of the portable music player, and legally should own the rights to the Walkman. A pleased Cunningham exclaimed:
"I have entertained many a passing crowd on my travels through the Highlands with my ivory-tinkling prowess. I'm just glad my long-lost instrument has been found - I've been wondering where I left it for years."
He went on to add: "I was carrying my piano around with me everywhere years before anyone even considered the Walkman. And never did I need to change a battery or utilise a shock protector."
Cunningham has announced he will launch legal action against Sony over the rights to the invention. He is, however, expected to be landed with a heavy fine for littering, as the Government endeavour to clamp down on people who drop rubbish in the countryside.
- Piano buried on Britain's Highest Peak, BBC News, 18th May 2006