UnNews:Voldemort appears in London
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Voldemort appears in London
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, October 25, 2016, 05:03:UTC)(
27 March 2011
LONDON, England -- Lord Voldemort has been sighted in London. Police have converged on the scene and found two dead bodies, with no sign of any damage except a tingling avada-kedavraish light in each of the bodies. Defying the laws of wizadry, a police said that this is a wizard's murder, and they are sure that the wizard is called "Lord" Voldemor, although Lord Voldemort haven't been sighted since the last 666 years (sorry, I've out too much 6s there!).
"I've saw Lord Voldemort all right, but I can't reconize him, he's a woman in curly black hair. He shouted 'For the Dark Lord!' in front of the victims' faces," said a witness to the crime, although she made a few minor errors, referring miss Bellatrix Black as Lord Voldermort.
"Still, we captured a Death Eater, at the very least," said a bald pale-faced policeman who
is looked a whole load like Voldy, "and sorry for the hairstyle and the makeup."
In my opinion, they are right, because this will make a great Unnews article, you know how kiasu I am. Also, because of the fact that it's a Death Eater that does the crime, said a fellow reporter, "However, the police disagrees with me, saying that this whole 'ficaso,' or whatever they call it, is a complete waste of their time, saying that they would rather go home and turn on their TV. Ignoring the police, I've interviewed some other weird response which all contains "Yep, it's Bellatrix.". Frustrated I am, I demand all snapshots of the crime to be handed to me. The only snapshot I've got is the one on top.
"Holy shit! It's Voldemort!" said a person who clearly have been confunded, "but he's wearing a wig made out of Bellatrix's hair."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|