UnNews:Voldemort announced as torch carrier for London games
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Voldemort announced as torch carrier for London games
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Friday, January 20, 2017, 20:21:UTC)(
26 July 2012
London, United Kingdom -- In a surprise twist by the London Olympic Committee, well known Dark Wizard and entrepreneur Lord Voldemort will be carrying the Olympic torch at some point or another during the opening ceremony of this year's Olympic Games. "He was our number one choice of fictional character for the ceremony" said the man in charge of the international Olympic Committee "perhaps second only to Darth Vader but we think he may scare the kids, a little too much."
For the magical world this has come as a mixed blessing, of course they are grateful to gain some media attention and some public awareness after successive centuries of hiding from muggles due to the infamous "witch hunts" of the Middle Ages. "It's great to be part of society again," said one wizard as we took a tour of their little world, "and some of the new technologies we're seeing, who knew the postman could deliver mail as effectively as owls! Not to mention I'm being shat on at least half the amount of time with the postman!"
For Voldemort himself and his circle of death eaters this has come as a great victory, although Voldemort suffers from the handicap of being dead, he only had this to say: "No amount of being dead is going to stop me doing this highest honor for my fellow witches and wizards." And that was the end of the discussion between the reporter and Voldemort, and the reporter.
So is this a good thing for the wizarding and muggles worlds alike? A further chance to perhaps reach a new level of mutual co-existence for wizards and muggles? Or will Voldemort take this chance to re-establish his new "world order", time will tell on that score.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|