UnNews:Volcanic mess in Europe is all Obama's fault

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16 April 2010

Eyjafjallajokull volcano

Such a useful device. What more Americans can invent?

OSLO, Norway -- Norwegian media report that all the volcanic activity and all the mess in air travelling has been caused by the US president Barack Obama. Norway accused Barack Obama of intentionally causing the volcano eruption.

But why would Barack Obama be interested in delaying all the airplanes in half of Europe? The answer is really simple. Several days ago Lech Kaczyński died in a crash plane near Smolensk in Russia. The whole world has been stunned by this information and many governments introduced national days of mourning. US government did not but Barack Obama promised that he would fly to Poland to pray at the Kaczyński funeral that's going to take place during this weekend.

In the face of this tragedy, all of us are Poles. Only not all of us have got free visas. said Obama in an interview with a Polish journalist. At the end of the interview, he made a gaffe when he said Ich bin ein Polnischer!, which was meant to be a phrase which is going to be written in the annals of the history. He left off the interview at this.

But Norwegian media speculate that Obama promised that only due to the fact that refusing to come for the funeral would have been very bad public relations. Obama agreed, and from that time he had been constantly looking for a good excuse to miss the unnecessary travel and the boring funeral. And it seems that he found one.

Two days ago, one of Obama's advisors told the US president that only a few things can allow him to miss the funeral without causing an incident that will lower his already artificially ruined popularity. These are a death in his own family, another 9/11 or a natural catastrophe in Europe that will make air travelling impossible or extremely dangerous. After thinking for a few hours, he reminded himself that decades ago US installed a dangerous device that can cause a volcanic eruption of Eyjafjallajökull, and it needs only pressing the red button in White House to activate. So that's what Obama did.


C'mon. Those accusations are ridiculous. Do you think I could intentionally destroy a small country in order of fulfilling my sick whims!?

And everything started that time. Half of Iceland needed to be evacuated, and the big ash cloud calmly and slowly travelled to the Europe causing enormous financial loses in all airlines in half of Europe. So now Obama has finally got his excuse. He can comfortably announce to the public that he is unable to travel to Poland due to the big ash cloud. He can simply say I wanted but I couldn't. (And, after that, Yes we can!)

And it's need to be pointed out that USA suddenly announced that they are going to cover whole Icelandic public debt and even give some extra cash. Unfortunately, reasons of this weird and, as the spokesman said "absolutely not connected to the recent volcanic erruption", decision has not been given to the public.

Some Republicans think that Obama is embarrassing America much more than usual, naturally leading to the death of American freedom and liberty, and they've suggested that Obama should travel through Pacific and Russia and land on some airport where the ash cloud is not present yet. It may be an obscure airport in Polish city of Rzeszów in Rzeszowszczyzna or, if the cloud will move east a bit faster, somewhere in Belarus or Russia. Some have said that Obama should land in Smolensk where he could pray in the place of death of Polish politician elite (Or die in a catastrophe himself)).

Regardless of the accusations, Obama has not admitted to clicking the red button and quickly claimed that "Briddish Petroleum must be held responnsible". When quizzed about why, Obama labelled the reporter a racist for asking what he called "impertinent questions". The Tea Party are hard at work looking for additional nasty things to say about him over this.


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