UnNews:Vladimir Putin announces ranch venture
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Vladimir Putin announces ranch venture
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, September 1, 2015, 16:51:UTC)(
27 November 2008
VLADIMIR PUTIN has announced that he and outgoing President George Bush are going to open up their own Ranch together, a move hotly anticipated for years. It is to be called the original name of "Our Ranch."
Apparently at the Slovenian Summit in 2001 both men developed a bond. A bond which neither could resist, no matter how hard they tried. From that fateful meeting their combined efforts on the political stage have been directed at ensuring that all the World’s reckless governments could calm down and allow for their retirement together.
Putin has often said that he dreamed of being at one with an American and forming such partnership, this partnership found expression with 'best pal' George Bush who also wanted to open up a ranch that was not dominated by his wicked father.
However both seem happy themselves when they answered questions regarding the ranch. Putin commented that “Bush better watch his little rabbit ass in this new residence for the both of us” and Bush laughed and quipped “good one Vladdy.”
The former British Prime Minister Tony Blair commented on the ranch, “The policies and bonds me and George shared is as nothing to the bonds that George and that spunky figure of man, Vladimir Putin.”
The affair has been analyzed by the best commentators and overall views are positive despite the mixed reception form the respective wives of both men. The ranch is only to be open for 6 months of the year, with the winter months being left to the ‘Siberian elf sex slaves’.
The plan has been regarded as a positive step for both ailing leaders, Barack Obama the new president elect in the United States has said that, “It’s good to see George and Vlad moving on with their lives and not desperately clinging on to power – out with the old and in with the new.”
The plan has been copied before when Dominique De Vilepan announced that he and Jacques Chirac were moving to Italy, to ‘get away from all that corruption and nastiness.’ This was in 2006, and proved a fruitful way for both men too bow out from the limelight.
The ranch is allegedly 'state of the art' as Vladimir Putin has gathered quite a bit of money during his time in power. James Bond the secret agent said that "Blofeld would struggle to do better and the bedrooms were perfect for bringing the ladies back", however he also commented that the “skid marks on the sheets” were quite off-putting.
The ranch is reportedly under the control of a few trusted members and friend of Putin and Bush. They are only permitted to do only a few of the functions on the Ranch which resembles a military fortress according to eyewitness accounts.
The move and the joint effort between both men have had a mixed reception from the Chinese who see this as a retirement that it as an excusive for the non-honkies. A similar complaint has come form Africa’s Robert Mugabe who offered a considerable sum to use "Our Ranch" when both men are not at residence.