UnNews:Virus Attacks Cruise Ship
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Virus Attacks Cruise Ship
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Tuesday, July 26, 2016, 20:02:UTC)(
26 February 2008
“We don’t know how the virus got onboard”, acknowledged Sam Sheldon, head of security for HA, “but they’re usually brought on by a passenger, so we are investigating that avenue”.
This is the fourth time this has occurred on the ms Ryndam in the past year. “They’re getting increasingly bold in their tactics and demands!” admitted the ship’s captain Abel Janszoon Tasman. “We’re at a loss for what to do.”
Some ships have taken to installing high-tech security and at least one ship, in an all-out attempt, decided to install anti-virus software on its navigation computers, in hopes of staving off a full-on hijacking. “If they get a hold of the entire ship, who knows where they may take it – and us with it”, remarked another captain for HA, who declined to be named. “Viruses are dangerous and frankly, we’re not doing enough to protect ourselves”.
The standoff Monday ended when the people, somewhat shakily, exited their rooms, with no trace of the virus or his cohorts. “They’re still at large”, admitted Sheldon. “God help the next cruise”.