UnNews:Virgin Kalimdor announces one-copper flights to Ogrimmar
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Virgin Kalimdor announces one-copper flights to Ogrimmar
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, February 7, 2016, 22:54:UTC)(
19 September 2006
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OGRIMMAR, Kalimdor GNN (GOANNA NEWS NETWORK) -- GIMMICK-HAPPY budget airline Virgin Kalimdor today attempted to muscle in on the lucrative Eastern Kingdoms air routes by announcing one-copper airfares to the Orcish capital of Ogrimmar.
But the airline walked face-first into a polearm of controversy when leaked company documents revealed that the board of directors had mandated the racial profiling of Orcs, Trolls, Taurens and the Undead as possible terrorist risks.
Outraged Orc chieftan Thrall immediately decreed an Orc boycott of Virgin Kalimdor, saying that "this kind of atavistic racism should have died out back in the Age of the Old Gods".
"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character," he said
"It's not easy being green," he added, casually polishing a varnished Elf skull.
Virgin Kalimdor spokesbeard Richard Branson attempted to hose down the controversy, saying: "The important point here is that Virgin has the newest, most comfortable fleet of zeppelins in the realm. And what can one copper piece buy you these days? It doesn't even go half-way towards a single slice of Dalaran sharp."
Hin Denburg, a spokesgoblin for rival airline Venture Co. Airways, said that Virgin Kalimdor had "stuck its foot in its mouth and bitten it off".
"Venture Co. is proud to provide world-class services to characters of all races, classes and trade specialities," he said. "And we don't cut corners by making our Undead brethren travel in the cargo hold just because they don't feel the cold.
"It's also worth reiterating that our zeppelins are actually free. You'd be an idiot to yourself to spend even a quarter of a copper flying Virgin."