UnNews:Violent zombie horror movies 'spoil your love life'
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Violent zombie horror movies 'spoil your love life'
A newsstand that's brimming with issues
Tuesday, March 20, 2018, 04:21:UTC)(
16 December 2008
LOW BUDGET ULTRA VIOLENT zombie horror movies can spoil your love life, a study by a university somewhere has claimed. "Video nasties" such as the infamous "Mutant Zombie Rape School Musical" have been blamed by relationship experts for promoting unhealthy environments when it comes to setting the mood for "sexy times".
They found fans of films such as "Zombie Tit Slashers IV - Attack of the Undead Cock Choppers" and "Invasion of the Robot Zombie Brain Mashers" often end up murdering their partner in extremely violent and protracted ways. Many held the view if someone is meant to be with you, then you should stalk them slowly and relentlessly whilst moaning and drooling before finally catching them and eating their brains.
Psychologists at the family and personal relationships laboratory studied top box office hits such as "Jungle Zombie Swingers" and "Zombie Erotica Bloodfest VI - Return of the Rabid Thai Lady-boys" identified common themes which they believed were unrealistic.
Other movies included "You've Got A Zombie Plague", "Zombie Hordes In Manhattan", "The Wedding Zombies" and "While You Were Sleeping a Zombie Ate your Brain".
The university's Dr Frank Stines said: "Marriage counsellors often see couples who believe that sex should involve an element of impending zombie doom, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will find you an island away from the infected cities of the teeming living dead".
"We now have some emerging evidence that suggests ultra gory zombie movies play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds."
"The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a relationship within the context of a generic zombie holocaust is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by these cheap, straight to DVD movies than we realise."
But researchers went on to warn that "when there is no more room in hell, the dead shall walk the earth".