UnNews:Victorian government introduces anti-swearing laws
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
18 July 2011
MELBOURNE, Australia -- The Victorian government has given its police force powers to issue $240 on-the-spot fines for anyone caught using offensive behaviour or indecent language in public.
Since 1966, police have had the power to press charges against anyone caught committing acts of profanity in public. However, to avoid many unnecessary court cases clogging up the judicial system, many offenders were simply incarcerated and then bludgeoned with a heavy leather boot. The new laws bypass the need for such foul mouthed incidents to be proven in court, making citizen subjugation easier than ever.
The laws have upset many in the community with critics saying the legislation is just an attempt by the Ballieu Government to appear tough on anti-social behaviour, without addressing other problems such as binge drinking, security at train stations and people chewing gum without a permit.
Civil libertarians have argued the new laws are too vague, with the head of Liberty Victoria, Peter Berg, stating "We’re outraged about these so called on-the-spot fines. This is a fuc… err, flipping outrage. Where exactly is the spot these cun… err, vaginas intend to stick their fines? I mean, what a bunch of bullsh… cow feces. Also, the laws these dong goblers have put in place will unfairly target English speaking residents like me who are too lazy to learn another language." Mr Berg was then fined for use of the term ‘dong gobler,’ a highly offensive synonym used to describe the parliamentary term, ‘cock sucker.’
There is concern that these new laws will adversely affect local business as certain jobs such as those in the building industry and stand-up comedians require the extensive use of foul language in order to be productive. No longer will sailors be able to swear like, well, sailors. Even politics will suffer to a degree, with new members of parliament unable to attend their own ‘swearing in’ ceremonies for fear of being fined. The risk of a budget blowout based on fines due to these ceremonies has caused the democratically elected government to convert to communism.
The law also opens up a philosophical can of worms. If a tree falls in the forest, lands on the lumberjack's toe and he lets loose a barrage of verbal profanities, does it warrant a fine?
Premier Ted Ballieu has defended the laws, stating, "These laws will free up police resources and enable them to more effectively battle the many foul mouthed, obnoxious and aesthetically nauseating members of the public." When quizzed about the laws being strictly a revenue raising stream he responded, "That’s complete nonsense, we’ll be putting any profits, I mean, revenue, back into the education sytem so we can teach our kids to vote for the liberal party later on in life."