UnNews:Vice Versa Syndrome remains rampant
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
28 August 2009
Atlanta, Georgia - The CDC announced that in spite of billions of dollars of research money having been invested, scientists are no closer to a cure for Vice Versa Syndrome then they were in 1882 when it was first identified.
Vice Versa is a syndrome that has long plagued our planet, with the first recorded instant being by author and biologist F. Anstey, who wrote up his findings in his book "Vice Versa" in the late 19th century. It involves the body switching of a young human and old human, usually related, and with invariably comedic results. The disease usually involves both parties learning some kind of trite lesson, and drawing closer to one another. In almost as many cases, there is no switch, but the youth simply becomes an adult, or..."Vice Versa", hence the name applying to either body switching or rapid age change.
Since that time, there have been dozens of such cases reported, sometimes with a book, but more often with a documentary film done on each one of them.
Vice Versa 1882 (book), Vice Versa 1916, Vice Versa 1937, Vice Versa 1948, Freaky Friday 1972 (book), Freaky Friday 1976, Summer Switch 1984, Vice Versa 1988, Big 1988, 14 going on 30 1988, Freaky Friday 1995, Wish upon a star 1996, Freaky Friday 2003, 13 going on 30 2004, Freaky Monday 2009, 17 Again 2009.
Obviously there has been a large upswing starting in the seventies, with two incidences just in that decade. And none of us can forget the eighties, where there were four incidents - three of them in 1988 alone! The nineties seemed to be showing a reduction of this dread - though short lived - disease, as there were only two instances. But now in the noughts, we've already had four cases and the decade isn't even over yet!
While scientists are not optimistic about any kind of preventative vaccinations, they do advise some basics. Dr. Mary Rodgers, who's groundbreaking work in 1972 is believed to have brought modern medicine to bear on this problem for the first time said, "Do not make foolish wishes while meteorites are streaking across the sky, do not wish upon any old voodoo charms or totems, do not use magic wishing powder, and above all, do not endlessly fantasize about how much easier your life would be if you were much older or younger!"
If you do find yourself with the disease, the important thing is to not panic. Researchers have charted it extensively, and it always - without fail - follows the exact same course, regardless as to who catches it. Surprise and delight. Then trouble. Then a temporary resolution. Then even bigger trouble. Then a final resolution, and a switch back to original body or age. Medical history records no exceptions. It does record intense paranoia on the part of those afflicted, as in spite of all the documentaries released about it, each of the afflicted choose to believe that no one would believe them if they mentioned it - despite usually dozens of ways of proving their story.
Residual affects include deeper insights into the problems of others and how great it is to be just where and who you are, and in the case of body switching, understanding parent/child better. In spite of what the public believes, it is merely an urban legend that all those afflicted become rich. Tom Hanks, Steven Eckholdt and Judge Reinhold all experienced this disease in 1988, but only one became wealthy because of it.