UnNews:Veteran escapes care home to help mark D-Day
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?|
7 June 2014
ARROMANCHES, France -- A pensioner who served the last year of the Second World War in the Women's Auxiliary Territorial Service as an ambulance driver during the Blitz escaped from her residential home in Central London yesterday to attend the 70th Anniversary of the Normandy Landings here.
Elizabeth England (known to friends as Elizabeth Mountbatten-Windsor) was last seen by staff at the residential home, Buckingham House, at 10:30 as she was leaving for a trip to the local Tescos for her daily groceries. Despite telling the porter this, her trip was actually to the local veterans association where she helped herself onto one of the tour buses and got a free lift over the Channel to the ceremonies. Staff realised she had been missing when she did not return after 6 hours and so alerted the police. It was quickly discovered by officers of the Metropolitan Police Force that Mrs. England was attending the remembrance service and was alive and well.
It turned out Mrs. England had been so desperate to go to the ceremonies, after she had been previously told the coach trip had no spaces this year, that she hadn't even told her husband Philip, also a war veteran, who served as a Captain in the Greek Navy, "Silly woman hadn't told me a thing. She could have let me come with her at least." he mentioned. Her eldest son was less worried about her safety saying, "Mother can look after herself you know. Nothing is too dangerous for her. I suggest she swims the channel next time."
While at the ceremonies, Elizabeth managed to appear in many photos of the event and even got to shake hands with the President of Russia, Vladimir Putin. "My son, Charles, gets a little confused about him sometimes," she said. "He once told me Mr. Putin represented the Nazis at the war remembrance ceremonies."
After Elizabeth's exciting ordeal she got a VIP trip home, thanks to Britanny Ferries' kindness in providing her with a luxury cabin to use on the ferry. Mrs. England has now returned home and has thanked all of those who turned up at the event to commemorate D-Day—its losses, achievements and souvenir merchandise.
- "Putin the pariah: After Prince Charles accuses him of behaving like Hitler, Russian leader brazens it out on D-Day". Daily Mail, June 06, 2014