UnNews:Venezuelan president Chavez sends soldiers to Colombian border
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Venezuelan president Chavez sends soldiers to Colombian border
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, January 23, 2017, 23:12:UTC)(
3 March 2008
CARACAS, Venezuela -- Venezuelan president Hugo J. Chavez, sent troops, Tuesday, March 3, to the Venezuelan-Colombian border as response to the recent comments by Colombia's president regarding the current status of the region.
President Álvaro Uribe, president of Colombia has been quoted as saying, "Why be friends with Venezuela, when America is sooo much cooler..", during the recently concluded trade agreements between the United States and Colombia.
President Chavez responded by ordering his defense minister, Mario dela Vega, to deploy 50,000 troops down to the Venezuela-Colombia border. The defense minister said that the troops are placed there to guard against possible incursion by Colombian soldiers led by, in dela Vega's words, "Fat Yanks.."
But later that same afternoon, there had been an abrupt change observed in the Venezuelan troop movement. Recent satellite pictures showed that the Venezuelan troops had been seen moving not towards the border but instead is headed up to Mexico. When asked about this, the commanding officer of the deployed Venezuelan troops, Capt. Antionio muy Gwapo, said, "This is a tactical decision made by ground troop commanders. We have decided that guarding the border is boring, so we decided instead to go to Cancun, to check out some babes and soak up some sun."
Upon hearing this new information, president Chavez was completely outraged. Citing the fact that he had always wanted to go Cancun but that no one wanted to go with him. He has been quoted as saying, "If i knew those bastards were planing to go to Cancun, then i would have ordered them to take me with them. I mean, damn!" After a few more questions, he quickly pulled out a 9mm and shot a couple of reporters. "Why can't i go! WTF?!" He then ran off stage. Some shots were heard outside. It seems he shot some guards outside as well. He then disappeared into the woods most probably to meet up with the soldiers.