UnNews:Veganism as environmentally harmful as meat production, scientists prove
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Veganism as environmentally harmful as meat production, scientists prove
We distort, you deride
Sunday, May 29, 2016, 03:55:UTC)(
10 November 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|
KEMPTVILLE, Ontario, Canada (UNN) -- Farting and belching by vegans is a key contributor to global warming problems, extinction of earth species, and a worldwide suicide epidemic involving Angus Beef cattle suffering from feelings of alienation and personal rejection, a climate change think tank warned today. The Centre for Vegan Bio-terrorism Research studied of the relative emissions discharge of cattle, vegans, and "normal" people, and produced some surprising results according to the Ontario Ranchers Association, corporate sponsors of the research.
"Just one vegan consuming a typical diet of soy products, legumes, lentils, nuts, seeds and whole grains, produces sufficient harmful methane gas in a single day to fill a space equivalent to the Toronto SkyDome." a researcher said, adding, "This is really bad for the environment."
He went on to suggest that truly environmentally conscious social activists would do better to consume a diet equivalent to the daily consumption of a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese, half a kilo of bacon, 6 eggs, and a sexy Mexican cabana boy by the name of Eduardo, were they truly concerned about the future welfare of the human race.
Dr. Derrière le Plouft, professor of Environmental Studies at Carleton University, said that in addition to environmental damage, veganism causes untold human tragedy in the form of unemployment, discrimination, and poverty to farmers, their families, marketing specialists, their families, abattoir employees, their families, and meat packing plant workers. And their families.
- S. O. Terrick "Veganism isn't murder, and other disproved untruths.". The Chihuahua Provincial Examiner, November 10, 2006