UnNews:Vatican declares Bruce Springsteen "God's first prophet in 1400 years"
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Vatican declares Bruce Springsteen "God's first prophet in 1400 years"
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Saturday, July 23, 2016, 21:18:UTC)(
21 June 2008
When asked why Springsteen, God said "My friends and family and I really love his work. He totally deserves it." Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has issued a fatwa against God for blasphemy.
Bruce himself was at first skeptical, but agreed to the title when God and Jesus descended from heaven to tell him the news, along with Abraham and Moses. Bruce is now set to go on a tour in the Middle East next year, in hopes that his songs will bring peace, since the recent declaration of permanent war between Israel and Palestine.
Jesus has joined Bruce as a backup and duet singer in the E-Street Band, and has also signed up for Bruce's "Human Rights Now!" rallies. "Bruce is an old friend of mine. It's great to finally play in his band, meet the big man, etc. They're all great guys."
He and Bruce sang, on Jesus' first show with the band, songs such as "The Rising", "Mary's Place", "Leap of Faith", "Jesus Was an Only Son", "Blood Brothers", "Born in the USA", and "Blinded by the Light". Patti Scialfa was quoted saying "Jesus and Bruce have been good friends for awhile, I'm glad to finally get a chance to hear them sing together. Jesus has an amazing voice."