UnNews:VT massacre a "conspiracy", claimed Dylan Avery

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
VT massacre a "conspiracy", claimed Dylan Avery

Straight talk, from straight faces

UnNews Logo Potato
Wednesday, March 21, 2018, 07:30:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

23 April 2007

Dylan avery

Dylan Avery proudly introduces the 3rd edition, 76th update of the acclaimed documentary Loose Change to an UnNews correspondent.

In his latest documentary Loose Change 3rd edition, Dylan Avery makes a controversial claim that the recent Virginia Tech massacre was not a mere incident, but, rather, an "inside job".

"I think what happened to the 32 victims is simple enough. They were brought down by explosives pre-planted in their bodies," asserts Avery in the video. "It was a psychological attack on the American people, and it was pulled off with military precision.

"As one expert from the finance department of Microsoft points out, the influenza vaccine injections that we have been receiving for years are in fact tainted with remote-controllable explosive nanoparticles.

"The nanoparticles were set off by a satellite 5,000 miles above ground, and the victims were killed by internal explosions that penetrated their skins and bones.

"The gunman involved in the [Virginia Tech] massacre could not possibly have been a simple lunatic. He was likely a agent from the government, with two pistols loaded with blank cartridges, and his mission was to mislead people into thinking that the victims were killed by gunshots. Or, in an even more likely case, the gunman simply did not exist. Like the 'hijackers' in the WTC incident, he was part of a fiction - an illusion created by the government in an attempt to conceal their insidious plan for world domination."

Avery also theorized that the massacre could not be by any chance "real" based on an observation that despite the many students present at Virginia Tech at the time, no video recording nor any photos of the incident have so far been seen or produced by any party involved as evidence of the incident or aftermath thereof displaying 32 dead bodies on the floor.

"The wounds on the dead bodies were not at all in the shape of a pistol," asks Avery, rhetorically. "And can we possibly believe that these wounds were really inflicted by a gunman with, ironically, a set of two pistols?"

Editors from Popular Mechanics so far have no comment on Avery's documentary, but they admit that they "had a good laugh".

edit Sources

UnNews Logo Potato
This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.
Personal tools