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Straight talk, from straight faces
Monday, August 31, 2015, 13:32:UTC)(
18 March 2006
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UNNEWS HQ - While doing the next audio brief for Radio Free Euroipods, UnNews correspondents were shocked to see VFP exploding in their window. Deeper analysis allowed our respectful journalists to assemble a somewhat accurate description of the events that led to its dismay.
To better understand the roots of the tragedy, it is essential to go through the latest (nonexistent) UnNews reports from VFP. It all started with the invention of the Wiki Death Star, a device with which Whywhywhy attempted to take over VFP. The idea failed and the Death Star was destroyed by an International Custard Bombardment Machine, other constant visitors of VFP, using plans saved by R2-D2, quickly produced an awful lot of these machines. More missiles, with the word AGAINST written on them, quickly took care of them, spreading wreckage throughout the VFP voting chamber. Photos of the Wiki Death Stars were later used by UnGames Entertainment for their ambitious WikiWars project.
The next time, users tried to assault VFP by painting its walls with "MARX-A-LOT®" and, lately, "NEV-R-FAIL®" markers, forcing the local UnNews team to relocate itself to the main UnNews headquarters, 150 steps away from VFP. It explains why UnNews was completely unaware of the latest happenings in VFP up until today.
At the arbitrary moment of exactly 11:00 UTC, VFP, which was quite noisy in the preceding five hours, with markers being thrown en masse out of its windows ... er ... erm ... went bye bye, literally. Plug in the damn cable already! UnNews is now translating a live feed from the accident site. Oscar?
“ Thank you, Randomly. I was one of the survivors, thankfully I was outside VFP, inventing my next quote for Uncyclopedia, and to be brutally honest, I don't even know what VFP was. At this time, the exact reasons are unknown... What? What feature? Wait a moment ... Trotsky? Ah, I see ... They say that the explosion was caused by a network of printing presses distributing today's featured image, about, erm ... marks what? Marx-A-Lot, erm, Trotsky rewriting history and so forth. Death Star? Ah, and there was one Death Star picture in the queue as well. In any case, given the recent decline in VFP quality, this is hardly surprising, it has become almost like QDB. ”
“ Yes, that place where people store their terrible quotes, none of them mine. Incredibly tedious to read ... Where was I? Ah, the explosion. They say such an occurrence of repetitive nominatification was predicted to result in the annihilation of the obvervable universe or, in the fortunate scenario, the galaxy where ... My tongue hurts, I feel like providing some fresh quotes on Euroipods. Randomly. ”
Thank you, Oscar. So, as you have heard, we should feel lucky ... kind of, I believe rescue teams should sort of have already arrived, we hope to see pictures of dead VFP visitors soon ... er, I mean we hope to see them alive, you see ... Let's hope that a new VFP, should one be constructed, will have countermeasures against monotonous repetitiveness bloat redundancy. Meanwhile, stay tuned on UnNews.