UnNews:Utah murderer will be executed by Death Star
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Utah murderer will be executed by Death Star
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, June 30, 2016, 23:15:UTC)(
23 April 2010
When given a choice between lethal injection or being shot, Ronnie Lee Gardner told the judge, "I would like to be vaporized by a Death Star, please."
In a brilliant piece of jailhouse lawyering, the defendant authored an appeal to be put to death by the instrument of his choosing. The judge was forced to rule for the defendant due to an obscure legal loophole in the state's constitution, dating from 1902, that allows a God-Fearing man to decide the vehicle of his execution.
"It makes sense, if you look at Mormonism as a whole," says Gardner's lawyer. "With all the crazy shit they believe, it's no surprise to find such a precedent in a legal code which originates from a superstitious belief system."
The judge in Salt Lake City originally set Gardner's execution date for 18 June 2010, but Gardner's lawyer said he expects his client will be deceased before Death Star technology is perfected and approved as a humane method of execution..
Engineers and technical consultants say that a working prototype of a Death Star could not possibly be constructed before the 24th century, and that several major scientific breakthroughs will need to happen first.
|Parts of this article were originally sporked from [murderer Gardner chooses death by firing squad].|
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|