UnNews:Utah bans marriages based on love

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12 February 2011

Lovehearts

LOVE?! IN MY MARRIAGE?! WHAT DISGUSTING BLASPHEMY IS THIS?

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah -- In a first-of-a-kind move, the state of Utah has refused to recognize marriages performed solely because the people involved love each other.

The move, met with 100% approval of the Utah state Senate and 100% disapproval from everyone else, has proved divisive within and outside the state of Utah. The new law, The "Miserable Biblical couples act" only validates marriages if the couple in question are either forced to marry due to an unwanted child (also known as "Shotgun Marriages"), pressured into marrying by family members, or because both parties wanted to shut their parents up about finding a nice boy/girl. The bill also bans divorce, making sure couples stay miserable.

Senator F. King O'Hole (R-UT) justified the bill by saying that "Nowhere in the Bible does it say that one man and one woman should be in any way, shape or form happy in their married lives. In fact, most marriages are forced marriages where neither party has control over whom they are forced to marry. That is true, traditional marriage. This bill kills off fake, non-traditional happy marriages once and for all.

Mr O'Hole goes on to say, "I have been in an unhappy marriage since the age of 10, it never did me any harm...physically."

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