UnNews:Upper Peninsula of Michigan Declares Independence
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Upper Peninsula of Michigan Declares Independence
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Sunday, July 24, 2016, 04:55:UTC)(
21 April 2008
Today the Upper Peninsula of Michigan has declared independence from Michigan, and the United States. Many within the lower Peninsula of Michigan are outraged, though most of them do not know exactly where the Upper Peninsula is located in the first place.
The Upper Peninsula has declared a monarchy type of government, appointing Bart Stupak the King of the newly formed country. When asked about why the Upper Peninsula decided to break off from the U.S., which now calls its self New Canada, the King of New Canada replied with this, "Current day political candidates are unacceptable to I, and to the Yooper population of our proud new country." The newly elected king also stated that such things as gun control and alcohol laws have contributed to the outrage of the Yooper population. The current population of New Canada is currently 317,258 citizens. Though the number is soon expected to increase by one.
King of New Canada, Bart Stupak.
As of 7:00 PM the armed forces of New Canada have moved to the Mackinaw Bridge and thus blocking any possible entrance into the new country.
President Bush has sent a strike force to take back the Upper Peninsula and reclaim it as American soil, but the strike force never made it past Detroit and is now currently MIA.
The Canadian Prime Minister has given the King of New Canada his full support, and has pledged his full Military capabilities to the fledgling country. It has been confirmed that Canada has sent over two divisions of Mounties and over six rowboats to the aide of New Canada.
Other countries have also supported the separation of New Canada, including Britain, which chuckled at the irony. It is also rumored that France has already sent the King of New Canada their white flag of surrender in case of a future invasion.
The U.N. has not yet currently issued a statement about the action of New Canada.
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|