UnNews:Update: George Bush returns! Cheney relieved of presidency

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31 May 2007

George-W-Bush

George W. Bush redecides his position on the Presidency.

WASHINGTON, DC George W. Bush, vigorously renewed in his conflict against Congressional Democrats, has taken up the mantle of President once more.

"I have realized my true mission in life," Bush proclaimed in a televised speech to the nation last night. "I know now, what I did not know before, that only my trusted leadership, guiding you, America, will free us from the insidious threat of organized terrorism."

Afterwards, Mr. Bush declared he would re-veto the bill to recall troops from Iraq, saying, "I was weak. We all make mistakes, and this one was mine." Citing a "Do-Over" clause in the US Constitution that allows a resigned President to do-over his term and re-veto any bill that he agreed to, which was added by Gerald Ford in 1975 after Richard Nixon had resigned and later regretted it.

The news came as a shock to the nation, which had just come to grips with the imminent reality of a Cheney presidency. Says one liberal blogger, "ZOMG!!! Tihs iz suxxors!!1!"

Conservative pundits greeted the speech with great enthusiasm, as all their championing of Mr. Bush had finally paid off. "This is f_cking great!" said talk show host Rush Limbaugh. "Like, really f_cking great!"

"Well, this is terrible, man," whined Cheech and Chong. "Now, the Fox network no gonna have us no more! It reeks, man!"

As for Cheney, he seemed rather nonplussed about the whole affair, claiming he simply "want to go visit my grandson".

For UnNews, this is Tolban Waterston.


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