UnNews:Unites States Air Force Unveils Newest Stealth Fighter Plane
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Unites States Air Force Unveils Newest Stealth Fighter Plane
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Thursday, May 25, 2017, 18:34:UTC)(
6 September 2008
VANDENBERG AIR FORCE BASE, Las Vegas, NV. In the wee hours of the morning the United States Air Force allowed reporters in for the first look at the new Stealth Fighter plane. Gasps were heard, as were "Oh my God's", and "Holy Shit, you guys did it this time! Wowzers!". The once highly classified Pentagon project code labeled "Dramamine" was at one time so secret only blind engineers were permitted to build it. Utilizing new state-of-the-art stealth techniques], highly polished mirrors, and Compound W, Air Force officials are confident that the U.S. will have no matches in air superiority.
The aircraft flys so fast a new term had to be utilized. "Super-Duper Supersonic" was chosen as "it means that this thing really REALLY hauls ass." Stated Pentagon Spokesman Karl Karcher Jr., as he munched on a Famous Star. "I mean this puppy moves, man. Slicker'n snot on a doorknob. Know what I mean? Greased lightning's close, but this thing's faster. Plus you can't see it. See?" "Nope, I don't see anything." Replied Captain Obvious.
It was true, you can't see it. I mean you really can't see it. Hell, no one can see it. Can you see it? Nope.
"We WERE going to have the press meeting last week, but we misplaced the thing and it took us a week to find it." It turned out that the cleaning crew had tossed a blanket to dry over it and 'Max' the cat was sleeping on it. Max removed and blanket gone, the plane was back in working order and ready for combat.
Engineers are now faced with another dilemma that they hadn't accounted for; the Pilot's visibility. On radar the Stealth is completely invisible, but sharp Radar Techs can spot a man in a seated position at 40,000' "pretty quick, so they know somethin's rotten in Denmark."
It was suggested that Captain Invisible would be a good choice as the new pilot. Said Captain Obvious, "But I don't see him around much these days." he added. Continuing, commenting on the plane, "I still don't see the plane."
|This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews correspondent.|