UnNews:United Kingdom's prime minister found in Dutch coffee shop
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United Kingdom's prime minister found in Dutch coffee shop
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, July 25, 2016, 14:04:UTC)(
23 September 2006
LONDRES, Angleterre -- British Prime Minister Tony Blair faces another scandal after he was forced to quit. He managed to stay Prime Minister, claiming there is no law that can force him to quit. He is now the center of a new scandal, after he was found in a Dutch coffee shop. The Dutch call the places they sell so called soft-drugs (not addictive drugs) 'Coffee shops'. Tony tries to defend himself, saying:
|“||I was just looking for tea, then found out they had so much more, being curious of nature, I just had to try what they have, how could I know that spacecake did contain drugs? From the outside you can't tell they sell drugs.||”|
A report of 784 pages made by Sigmund Freud on the scandal however, claims otherwise: Tony Blair was fully informed what coffee shops are, even his wife admits that he makes a lot more political visits to Holland than is needed in his political career, he claims it is required to fix his bad image, but his wife cites drug abuse as one of his bad habits. Furthermore, it is highly unlikely that tea is sold in a COFFEE shop. Tony Blair deliberately and purposefully visited the shop, knowing full well what those shops sell.
Not everyone believes that Tony Blair sinned. A group called 'Stoners Anonymous' is currently rallying for the fall of the government, their spokesmen said: "Hey dude, you know.. those eckies are good shit.. god I'm fucked up.. where am I.. oh wait.. yes, I've been following the news.. and err.. you know dude.. I think the prime minister is err.. you know.. the only sane person in the government.. we just need softer drug regulations.. and err.. down with the government dude!"
Tony Blair immediately fled after the report was commisioned. His location is as of yet unknown, however it seems likely he fled to Holland. The United Kingdom asked the Dutch government for handing him over, however they claim "In Holland, those drugs are ok for personal use, we can't arrest him for what is legal here."
- Icabod Crane "Things Tony Blair and Willie Nelson have in common". New Days Press, September 23, 2006