UnNews:Undercover Kitten Killed in Israeli Attack
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|This article is part of UnNews||Every time you think, you weaken the nation —Moe Howard|
12 August 2006
|UnNews Audio (file info)|
|Listen to this story!|
NEW YORK - Fred, the Undercover Kitten who gained fame earlier this year by posing as a would-be patient to help police nab a phony veterinarian, has died in an Israeli rocket attack, authorities said today.
The 15-month-old tabby was killed when he wandered into Beirut traffic and was hit by an exploding rocket, according to the Brooklyn District Attorney's Office. The kitten was in Beirut as a reward for his outstanding work with the Brookly Police Department.
Fred was a rescued stray when he was enlisted by law enforcement in February. An undercover investigator posing as Fred's owner summoned the suspect to an apartment rigged with a hidden camera and pretended the kitten, selected because of his oversized balls, needed to be neutered. The man was arrested as he left carrying Fred in a box and cash for the operation.
Fred got his due at a news conference, where he sported a tiny badge on his collar.
"He's pretty fuckin easygoing, a real fuckin Brooklyn guy, know what I mean?" his caretaker, prosecutor Brenda Moran, said at the time.
Fred received a Law Enforcement Appreciation Award and was honored at an adopt-a-thon benefit hosted by Mary Tyler Moore and Bernadette Peters. He had been "preparing for a new career in law enforcement," with a "significant role" in nailing would-be terrorists hiding explosives in their douche bottles.
"He had to have seen that fuckin thing comin," Moran said. "And then, ka-blam!" Rescue workers found tiny bits of blackened fur and Fred's little "Special Police" badge in a large crater later that morning.