UnNews:Uncyclopedian Fails Project
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Uncyclopedian Fails Project
Who knew The Onion® had a retarded stepbrother?
Monday, May 25, 2015, 16:53 (UTC)
10 December 2006
"Haven't been reading much. Mostly the Internet a.k.a. porn." the user sighs.
Thinking quickly he chose "The Adventures of Captain Underpants" and took 15 days of the 20 days left to make the project solely on book reading.
"Slow and Steady beats rock" the user whispers.
Unfortunately he was informed by his teacher or as he describes "Miss Doo Doo for Brains" that he needed a higher level book to read.
"I needed to think fast. I just kind of looked through the rows of books and picked the first one that gave me a boner....then I realized it was a dude, so I just picked a book that was just how I liked my women, white...I'm not racist dude so shut up." says the user.
He read the first page of each chapter of the book taking him 4 days.
"The first page pretty much tells the whole story." comments the user.
Having one day left to do his project, he quickly panicked for he had no supplies to work with. Then he found a bag of old mini marsh mellows in the trash can. With a bag of old mini marshmallows and some tooth picks he found in his pocket, he made a little girl doll. Before reaching class the project melted and was immediately attacked by as the user describes a fatherless female dog janitor. He failed the project horribly as expected by his teacher.
The user is expected to repeat the 4th Grade for the 6th time, an American record.