UnNews:Uncyclopedian Attacked by Savage Wikipedians
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11 May 2006
In a brutal and heartless attack, an Uncyclopedian has been mauled to the point of near death by a group of manic fountain-pen wielding Wikipedians. The incident followed the inadvertent ending of Uncyclopedia's Unstory with the the word 'bears' and the placing of a full stop. Within minutes, User:Kalir was rendered paralysed by the savages, led by King Jimbo, who commented:
"We must endeavour to put a halt to the irresponsible and frankly infantile actions of a group of University students. The vast amounts of vanity and inside jokes render the project totally useless and it must be stopped."
An incensed yet satisfied Jimbo went on to state "May this attack serve as a warning to all Uncyclopedians (spits on ground). We are watching your every move and will deal with all misdemeanours and miscreants accordingly." At this point he retreated to his native Wikiland, leaving the unfortunate victim sprawled out in a state of semi-consciousness.
When he had regained consciousness, a clearly shaken Kalir said of the incident "Well, that smarts," Followed by "Can I still play?" in reference to participation in Uncyclopedia's Unstory. The
Cabal* concluded that a one day suspension as sympathetic punishment for his actions would suffice, after which Kalir could resume involvement in all areas of the Departure of Fun.
*There is no Cabal.
Body count as of 21:31, 17 May 2006 (UTC): Four people. Whether they are dead or not remains to be seen.