UnNews:Uncyclopedia to replace Wikipedia in Google searches

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21 August 2014

Pasty01

Free doughnuts for dwarves.

SAN FRANCISCO, California -- Google has announced that it has replaced Wikipedia with Uncyclopedia as its "trusted news source" for up-to-date information and imagery, following the success of Google's promotion of the British bakers Greggs and their novel advertising campaign, "Providing shit to scum for 70 years."

A spokesbot for Google confirmed that the change was due to the greater reach of Uncyclopedia to create important web traffic compared to "dull and drab" Wikipedia.

Wikipedia puts off people from using them with their boring articles. People want to visit a site where reliable opinion articles, advanced toilet humor and general mucking about are at a premium.

Wikipedia is currently holding crisis talks with Google in London (with free doughnuts from Greggs) to dissuade Google from removing its site in search results.

It would be a serious blow to our business model, said retired OprahGroupconFuhrer Jimbo Wales, who started Wikipedia in direct competition with Uncyclopedia back in 2000. It has taken us 14 years to achieve Wikipedia's impressive page rankings and now it has all gone to sh...pot because of Uncyclopedia. Now Wikipedia will have to merge with HBO and start a subscription service.

Greggs has thanked Google by sending the mega-billion-dollar company free doughnuts. Uncyclopedia has received a letter thanking it for "boosting Greggs' international standing" and an invitation to the company's annual "Bake and Shake Ball" in December 2014.

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